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I am a high school English teacher in an urban high school in Oklahoma City. I am a member of the American Federation of Teachers, Local 2309. I am a Democrat, a union activist and a worker for social justice. I also am a Christian (Congregationalist). I play chess and coach our school chess team.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Welcome to National Pun Day: 50 Swifties

Disarmingly Beautiful
Today is National Pun Day. One of my favorite types of puns are called "Tom Swifties." These are puns where the eponymous Tom makes a statement in a manner that is linked to the statement. In other words, the adverb used in the statement's speaker tags, the "Tom said" part, has a connection to what Tom said. For example: "Venus de Milo is a beautiful statue," Tom said disarmingly.Here are 49 other Tom Swifties:
"I've had my left and right ventricles removed," Tom said half-heartedly.
"I think my tires are bald," Tom said warily.
"I hate milking cows," Tom uttered.
"I put all my money into an IRA," Tom said interestedly.
"I don't think that leprechaun is telling the truth," Tom implied.
"I think that wasp is in pain," Tom bemoaned.
"I took out the trash," Tom said literally.
"This dinner is made from young calves," Tom revealed.
"I cut my dog's toenails too far," Tom said quickly.
"You're burning the candle at both ends," Tom said wickedly.
"I hope I can still play the guitar," Tom fretted.
"I feel like a big black bird," Tom crowed.
"My tongue feels numb," Tom said distastefully.
"I want to renew my membership," Tom rejoined.
"My grape juice has fermented," Tom whined.
"Don't try to pull the wool over my eyes," Tom said sheepishly.
"Stop your sniveling," Tom decried.
"Someone removed all the twos from this deck," Tom deduced.
"I just love power failures," Tom said delightfully.
"It's 3 a.m.," Tom said mournfully.
"Thanks for shredding the cheese," Tom said gratefully.
"I love Velveeta," Tom said craftily.
"It's two, two, two mints in one," Tom said certainly.
"Who was pope before John Paul I?" Tom asked piously.
"The river has gotten rough," Tom said rapidly.
"You can't go faster than the speed of sound," Tom said mockingly.
"I'm as busy as a bee," Tom droned.
"Those ants will never get in here," Tom said defiantly.
"Please put some folds in these trousers," Tom pleaded.
"Why do you want me to act like Gilda Radner's husband?" Tom asked bewilderingly.
"I have plenty of do's but no don'ts," Tom said dauntlessly.
"I have forgotten the german word for 'four'" Tom said fearlessly.
"Someone stole my wheels," Tom said tirelessly.
"Hallelujah," Tom said handily.
"I just won 1000 dollars," Tom said grandly.
"All that's left are the front and back," Tom said decidedly.
"Where can I find a copper figure of Lincoln?" Tom asked innocently.
"I only have 8 bits," Tom said bitingly.
"My sign is cancer, what's my horoscope?" Tom asked crabbily.
"What's in the middle of an egg?" Tom asked eccentrically.
"I'm covered in blood," Tom said readily.
"I've found the pens used to sign the civil war surrender," Tom said pensively.
"I think someone electrified the corridor," Tom said haltingly.
"There are tiny bugs in the dust," Tom said mightily.
"Hey, Vern! Knowhutimean?" Tom said earnestly.
"I unclogged the kitchen sink with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succintly.
"My clothes are pressed," Tom said ironically.
"What's that reddish stuff on the cannon?" Tom asked rusticly.
"How come my clock only makes 'toc's?" Tom asked mystically.

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