I have unilaterally declared March 4th, NATIONAL PUN DAY because this date is itself a pun which answers the riddle, "What date do soldiers hate the most?" (Think about it a while and you'll get it.)
Someone said that a pun is not funny only because you didn't think of it. Here are a few of my favorite puns.
One day Abraham was in the family tent working on his laptop trying to download some new software. (This is a little known story from the book of Genesis.) His son, Issac, walked in and saw what his father was doing.
Issac said, "Dad, that old computer has been around since the days of Noah. There is no way that it's going to have enough memory to download that program."
Abraham turned and looked at his boy, "Worry not, my son, God will provide the RAM."
And if that doesn't have your groaning, I give you the infamous "walked into a bar" jokes:
A neutron walks into a bar. “I'd like a beer,” he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
“How much will that be?” asks the neutron.
“For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge.”
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Well, you can come in, but don't start anything."
A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve food here."
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Is this some sort of joke?"
A piece of string walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
The string walks out, ties himself in the middle, ruffles up his head, and walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, "Aren't you that piece of string that came in earlier."
The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
A mushroom walks into a bar.
The bartenders says, "We don't serve your kind here."
The mushroom, "Why not? I'm just a fungi!"
A snake crawls into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry. I can't serve you."
The snake asks, "Why not?"
The bartender replies, "Because you can't hold your liquor."
A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a pint please".
The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you, you're out of your head".
A guy sits alone at a bar, drinking his beer. From out of nowhere, he hears a voice say, "You look great, man! Have you lost weight?" He looks around, and confirms that the only other person in the bar is the bartender, who is all the way at the other end of the bar. He shrugs it off, and takes another drink of his beer. "That's a really nice suit. It looks good on you," the voice says again. The guy freaks out, and shouts, "Hey, bartender! Come here!" "Who keeps talking to me?!" The guy asks the bartender. "Oh, that?" The bartender says, "It's the peanuts. They're complimentary."
Three vampires walk into an bar.
The bartender says, "What'll it be, gentlemen."
The first says, "I vant a pint of blud."
The second says, "I vant a pint of blud, too."
The third says, "I vant a pint of plasma."
So the bartender says, "Okay, let me get this straight. You're ordering two Bloods and one Blood Lite."
Well, that's enough. Happy punning!