"Mr. President, I have bad news and I have worse news."

GI Joke

One day last January there was a heavy snow in Washington D.C. Bush woke up to find that there was at least 4 inches of snow on the ground. When he got down to the Oval Office, he saw something very strange outside one of his office windows. There in the snow were some words written in yellow that said "Bush Lied and Soldiers Died". Bush was enraged. He called down White House security. "Look at that!" he screamed. "If I'm not mistaken. Those letters are written in piss." (Bush recognized this from similar stunts he pulled during his drunken, drugged out college days.)"I want this investigated. And I want it done now!"

The security team got right to it. They photographed the words before they had a chance to disappear, took a sample of the yellow snow, and rushed photo and sample off to the FBI labs.

Later that day, Bush got a call from FBI headquarters. Robert Mueller, the FBI Director himself, was on the phone. "Mr. President," Mueller said, "we have made a positive trace on the DNA from the urine sample we got. I'm afraid I have bad news." Bush thought to himself, if the FBI Director called, this must be bad news. "Sir, I must inform you that the DNA matches that of Defense Secretary Robert Gates. It's a 100% match." Bush exploded, "That bastard., after what I did for him. I'll have his resignation immediately. He and I are finished!"

"Sir,” Mueller continued, "I'm afraid that's not all. It gets worse." Dumbstruck, Bush said, "How could anything be worse?" "Well," Mueller said, "we also used the photo to check the handwriting. It's Laura's."